Yes, I Have Regrets
by stopthisgirl
Summary: If you think you're living a life without regrets, you're just lying to yourself. The teens are now graduating high school and Ally just wants to turn back the clock and change everything she's done.


**This is because I have regrets and because I don't want to go to college. T for swearing.**

**I don't own Austin & Ally.**

* * *

Have you ever had that friend that you just drifted away from but for no reason at all? And not just that friend that you would talk to in that one class because you didn't know anyone else. But that best friend that you would hang out with every weekend; who you would text until three in the morning even though your eyelids felt heavier than your heart; who you would look in the eye and you could tell what they were thinking. She had that one friend. No, he didn't turn into an asshole, and neither did she. Not much has changed either. He still loved music and so did she. He still could dance and she still couldn't. The biggest change, besides their physical features, was probably their maturity level (maybe).

The duo was now in their senior year of high school, and although those four years were just a short fragment of their stories, it had felt like they'd spent a lifetime walking down those halls. They were now graduating in only one week, and Ally had just one wish: to be fifteen again. She'd always figured that one day everything would just click and she'd be able to do the things she'd always wished she could. But that day never came. Now she just wished she could turn back time and make it happen. She wished she could've learned something new; a new talent that she'd never been aware of. She needed something that would've given her a new dream because at just eighteen, she felt too old for those now.

She was moving to a college in New York near the city, and she was excited to experience the brisk energy and bitter weather. She was ready for a change, and living somewhere other than Miami was the perfect solution. And no, she wasn't majoring in music. She couldn't find that piece of herself that she figured would just surface one day that loved performing. She was still terrified and had a tinge of embarrassment pinch at her stomach whenever someone talked about her songwriting. So for now she was going to major in creative writing and prayed for the day where she would find the confidence to use it the way she wanted to.

She wasn't sure what Austin was doing and as much as she wanted to ask, her awkward side couldn't find the words to. She couldn't figure out why everything changed junior year. It was like one day she just no longer could look him in the eye for too long. That made her nervous and then the fact that she was getting nervous around him made her even more tense. She wondered if she ruined their friendship because of that. But it wasn't like he seemed to notice anyways.

"Ally?" Trish pulled her friend from her daydream with a hand waving and a smug laugh threaded through her voice. The curly haired girl had watched Ally and Austin's relationship change last year with knowing eyes, but she couldn't find the voice to interfere. Normally, she wouldn't think twice about voicing her opinion, but she saw something in Ally's eyes that reminded her of ripples in a pond; they were glassy yet shifty. Trish figured it out easily.

"Sorry," Ally responded, shifting her body in the old desk chair. "I just can't believe high school is...over."

There were a few other seniors around the pair that high-fived and hollered, ready for their four years to come to a close. But Ally felt something at the pit of her stomach pull on her heart. She wasn't ready for this to be happening. She didn't get how anyone could be.

"You know what would cheer you up? Going to Dez's party!" Trish tried to start her signature dance move, holding her hand to her head and wiggling comically in her chair. She had been trying to get Ally to go to this party for weeks, but Ally said she wasn't up for it every time. It wasn't that she never wanted to see Austin again or that seeing him brought something up in her, she just felt too tired to celebrate losing these chapters of her life.

"How would that cheer me up," Ally protested, although she already knew what Trish was going to say.

"I'll hold your hair if you start puking again," Trish sputtered in between laughs. Ally had only drunken and gotten wasted once in her entire life and it was at her after prom party. The night ended with her and Trish hogging the bathroom from three am to five am, or at least that's what she'd been told; she couldn't remember much from that night besides bad smelling perfume and the icy feel of the toilet bowl. So at this moment, Ally rolled her eyes at the line her friend had been using since May.

"Fine." Ally didn't know what she was doing, and she was sure she'd show up at the party and feel uncomfortable. But she had a feeling this was her last chance, and she couldn't keep letting those slip away.

* * *

Hours later, Ally swished her rum and coke through the tiny spaces between her teeth. She thought it was only her third cup, but she couldn't figure out where it kept going. She swallowed, no longer tasting the numb ache it gave her at first.

She leaned next against the wall next to the porch door in the large room and watched the people she'd gone to school with her entire life crowd in circles. A boy named Mark that she had Spanish with junior year was climbing on furniture and trying to make a speech about how much he won't miss high school. Ally chugged the rest of her drink.

The screen door slid to the side and a familiar blond head of hair steadily walked through, holding his own cliché red cup. Ally bit down on the side of her tongue and the taste of pennies filled her mouth. Her eyes couldn't take in every part of him fast enough and her body felt weightless as her heart tried to beat regularly.

"Austin!" Ally accidently yelled to the boy standing right next to her as she fumbled to pour herself another drink. Austin's eyebrows rose, but his eyes squinted into a smile. Ally loved how he could show his emotion through those tiny wrinkles. "Do you want a drink?" The words spilled out of her mouth and she felt as if she was in a cloud. Everything suddenly felt foggy and she couldn't feel her body. She wasn't even sure if she was standing or floating right now. All she could sense was the taste of pennies that still lingered.

"I think you've had enough to drink," Austin almost whispered, surprised that Ally, the Ally that tried to teach her bird to say she was cool, was this wasted right now. He'd heard stories about her experiences from after prom, but he'd never believed them. Until now.

Fumbled steps and mumbled words later and the duo was in Dez's room. Austin led Ally to his friend's bed and tried to get her to lie down. He felt weird seeing her like this. It was like seeing a teacher outside of school—a bizarre and dreadful moment.

"Are you going to sing?" Ally voiced in a silky tone. She was lying on her side with one arm under her pillow. She fought to keep her eyes open.

"Right now?"

"No, are you going to make singing a career," she retorted bitterly. "Like is that what you're going to school for?"

"Oh. I'm not going." Austin sat at the edge of the bed with his back to the young girl. He placed his hands in his lap and picked at the old calluses on his fingers from playing guitar.

"You're not going to college?" Ally's eyes were now wide open and she sat up quickly. _Too quickly._ The walls twisted and she felt as if she'd swallowed a hundred cotton balls and they were now stuck in her throat. Austin noticed her distress and grabbed the garbage can and handed it to her.

"I swear," he began, "if you puke on me, I will shave your eyebrows off when you're passed out." The corner of his mouth curled into a smirk and suddenly Ally could breathe again. She grabbed the garbage can from his hands and stuck out her tongue at him. Austin chuckled to himself and he felt something in his chest he hadn't felt since junior year.

"So what are you going to do next year?" Ally asked, now sitting shoulder to shoulder on the edge of the bed. She hugged the garbage can (thankfully it was empty except for a few crumpled papers), and her chin rested on its rim. Austin turned to look at her.

"I guess take your job at Sonic Boom." The second the words left his lips his ears felt hot and he could hear the blood rushing through them. Was mentioning the store making him…_nervous_? Why did his stomach suddenly feel like it was twisting its way up to his throat?

"You're going to be surprised when you go back. We really changed the set up after my dad renovated it." She spoke the words as if she wanted him to feel guilty for drifting apart. She never felt angry towards him because she never made the effort to retain their friendship either. Why was tonight different? Ally felt it had something to do with the overwhelming thought that she may never see some of these people ever again. But she didn't want to think about that. She just wanted nothing to change.

"I wish we weren't graduating. I wish we could go back to when we were just in high school to _be_ there. Not to _make_ anything from it; not to start a future from it." Ally's breath caught in her throat when Austin voiced what she had been feeling. She thought she was the only one who didn't want to leave.

"Oh my god," Ally whispered. "Did I say that out loud? Oh my god, are you psychic, like can you read my thoughts, oh my god." She ran the words together in a drunken mess, but she couldn't believe how…_the same_ they still were. The garbage can slipped from her hands as she stared at him in awe.

"You should probably lie down again," he told her, stifling a laugh. He stood up in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to gently push her back down so she could sleep. But Ally placed her hands on top of his and rose. Their eyes were still locked and it was clear that he had grown a few inches while her height hadn't budged since she was fifteen.

"People always say, 'If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.' But I would. I'd change almost everything. I'd change the haircut I got the summer between sophomore and junior year. I'd change the way I just sat around waiting for my life to start. I'd change," suddenly her words got caught behind her lips. But she was tired of the _what ifs_. She continued in a small voice, "I'd change us. I'd fix everything."

Her hands were still on top of his on her shoulders, and suddenly Austin wanted to move them. He couldn't keep the eye contact they'd had all night anymore. He felt butterflies, fucking _butterflies_, in his stomach. He hadn't felt like this since junior year. He tried to remove his hands, but Ally wouldn't let him. Again, he was surprised by the way she initiated this, this _thing_ happening and how she wouldn't let it end.

"There's nothing to fix," he finally verbalized, although he didn't believe what he was saying. He knew they didn't hate each other, but he knew that if they went the rest of their lives without speaking he'd go insane. It was true; he'd spent his entire senior year desperately wishing a moment like this would happen. But now it was here and he couldn't face it. He was too afraid and that only angered him.

"Are you serious?" Ally spat back at him, throwing his hands from her shoulders. "We haven't talked in over a year. You won't come to the store. You _avoid_ me." Ally took wobbly steps towards him as he backed away from her and into the wall, mirroring a now perfectly clear memory they had when Ally knew Austin stole the guitar from Sonic Boom. Her hands flew to the sides of her head, as she bunched her hair into knots and tried to clean the memory off of the inside of her eyelids.

"I only do it because," he shouted back at her, but he stopped himself. He was a coward. He knew it and so did she.

"Because everything felt different?" she calmly spoke back to him. It was like she had practiced saying all these words to him before, and frankly she'd had it surging through her mind and pouring into songs for the past year. That's why she started to push away her songwriting; everything was turning into Austin and she was scared. "I was scared too," she whispered. "I still am, but I can't leave knowing I never said anything."

"I don't have anything to say." Austin looked her dead in the eyes and Ally gritted her teeth. She saw the truth in his eyes and her heart felt as if he'd taken it and squeezed it until it was nothing in his strong hands. Her mouth tasted like pennies again and she went to push him out of the way so she could get another drink.

But as she turned to run out the door, Austin grabbed her wrist swinging her back around. Ally went to push him away again, but his hands entangled themselves in her hair and she stopped herself.

"I just have this." His lips slowly collided with hers and for a second she was frozen. His hand made its way to the nape of her neck and pulled her closer, and Ally, in response, took his shirt into her tiny fists and did the same.

And for that night, their past was made up for. Austin didn't know if Ally would remember all of it the next morning, and he wasn't so sure if he wanted her to. He really didn't have the words to tell her what he'd been feeling. He'd been feeling like that kiss or like that blush she had when they finally separated to breathe. He wasn't sure if he could talk about it like Ally seemed to be able to.

The next morning might just be one of those moments that he'll spend forever wishing to happen but then too afraid to actually face. He felt as if someone was sitting on his chest and he couldn't breathe just thinking about it. But a part of him knew that if Ally would still be there tomorrow, the rest would figure it out.

* * *

**You have a purpose in life, and that is to review my story. Kisses.**


End file.
